Commercial Analysis

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The Real Message

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“Are you, the average self-supporting (and yes, we know, overburdened) American, plagued by a constant, yet strangely elusive feeling that you are being robbed of the best things in life – and not through ‘civilized’ processes meant to serve ‘noble’ ends, but only through the implied threat of raw, unabashed brutality and only to serve the interests of plain, naked evil? We here at Armor All understand what you’re going through, and we would like to help you to feel better. We want you to know that while it’s okay to have those feelings, the thoughts that they spring from are mistaken. It’s an honest, understandable mistake, but a mistake nevertheless. You see, if you really were being robbed of the best that life has to offer, something like this is how it would happen. Is it happening like that? Of course it isn’t, silly. There are no large, brutal men – archetypes of everything that is the antithesis of civilization – blatantly coming into your life and taking your values from you. Yes, there are things being taken from you, but it’s in bits and pieces, and we can assure you that nothing that is being taken from you is literally being spent on the mindless, self-indulgent feasts that barbarians of centuries past are so famous for. It’s the 21st century. There aren’t really any barbarians living in castles somewhere enjoying your wealth, right? Of course not. That’s silly. You need to relax, take a deep breath, and look at things from a different perspective. Besides, let’s just say for a moment that you were right: that what it happening to you is tantamount to what is happening here, in this commercial. Even if that were true (which clearly it is not, right?) wouldn’t you kind of deserve it? I mean, can you really blame someone for taking advantage of you when you’re not even taking care of yourself? It’s all your fault, really.”

Now we here at Armor All… well, it’s not our place to tell you which of these explanations are true. You have to decide for yourself whether or not you’re just overreacting, and if you deserve what’s happening to you should you decide that you’re not. All we are concerned with is that you, the consumer, take a bit of solace from that feeling that haunts when you watch our commercial. We want you to know that if you’re just overreacting, or if you’re not but you deserve what is happening to you, that someone out there is aware of what you are going through. The experience of being seen and understood on a level that is so deep that maybe you didn’t understand it yourself (or if you did, you certainly couldn’t express it to anyone because it would be politically incorrect) is very cathartic. You deserve catharsis. In fact, you deserve it so much that we want you to have a miniature version of that experience whenever you feel confused or alone. You’re not confused and you’re not alone… you just… well, you just don’t have our car wax. Now we know that sounds stupid, but you see, because we can’t sell our product based solely upon it’s objective merits (they’re too similar to our competitors’), and because even if we could we can’t count anything except impulse purchases that are not necessarily rational economically for our short-term sales figures (and let’s be honest: in today’s economy the short-term is all that matters), we ask you to please keep us in mind the next time you’re in the market for car wax. It’s only fair, right? I mean, after all, we gave you good feelings. Shouldn’t we be rewarded for that?”


Written by commercialanalysis

June 3, 2013 at 8:04 am

Posted in Soft Goods

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